Lets Pretend You're Smart

Some call it crazy
Some say it’s sick
But I think it’s freedom
The pain is fierce but quick
Some say that it’s a sin
Just a little to risqué
But it helps release the pain
That I go through every day
The blade is sharp and cold
As it runs across my skin
Leaving me to ponder
And decide how deep I cut in
The icy chill running down my spine
Makes me feel at ease
I no longer feel like a coward
F**king up on everything with every breath I breathe
But some days I want to stop
Feeling like everything’s wrong
Trying to let go of the blade
Sometimes I can but not for long
It’s like I’m addicted to the pain
The feeling taking refuge in my veins
Leaving me feeling confused and alone
Wiping at the streaked tears that seem to be stained
Burned into my skin forever
Becoming a part that I cannot escape
Sometimes I just want to hurt all over
To scream at the top of my lungs until they break
I want to escape from my sadness
It’s taking over me
Why can’t I just rest
Why won’t it let me be
I just want to be free

Thank you for the gift of love,
now you’re sharing it up above.
You had many things to say.
All in a caring way.
You always saw good in everyone,
No matter what they’ve done.
You were always the one we could all lean on.
Even though it must have felt like a ton.
You were always the strength of the family.
Now we must let you rest calmly.
As we say goodbye,
as tears roll down our eyes.
I know your place in heaven has a good view.
Because you’re telling God,
I need to keep an eye on a few.
I know you will always be in our hearts and mind.
So Grandma,
I must go, but I’ll never forget you’re one of a kind.